SOC Poem

by Glen Muscular Tan




Standard Obstacle Course.
The thought of it makes me groan till i'm hoarse.
A crazy timing to beat of 9:30,
really makes me feel like playing dirty.

Weidong told me "you better pass,
or we will surely whoop your arse"
I said "hey my biceps will pull me through,
but right now i need to go to the loo"

But the day before the test,
temptations arrived with utmost zest.
Unfortunately, i succumbed with much ease,
my stomach i had to please.

In came congalala with a box of doughnuts,
and i thought "oh my what a slut"
I gobbled down oreo, chocolate, durian
without even feeling a wee bit sian

Then at night we had steamboat,
delightful but i wish it came with a root beer float.
Hotdogs, fishballs, prawns in the hot pail,
"I hope this won't be a reason for me to fail"

Then came thursday morning,
with waking up at 6am came much scorning.
ARgh, time to prepare for SOC,
but first i had to brush my teeth and take a pee.

After breakfast formed up at Alpha Coy,
with my rifle slung much like a toy.
The delays, warmup, and briefing did not fail to annoy,
"I hope all these end up in joy"

Then to the start point we started walking,
trying to calm my nerves i started talking.
The officers weren't satisfied so they made everyone jog,
And i though "man this is dumber than my blog!"

Reaching the start point i was already panting,
no time to waste though, this was the moment of reckoning.
I was put in the first detail,
YEAH! no more lack of low ropes to make me fail.

GO!! and off we were!
In a flash the two officers were gone, just like a blur.
Undeterred, I maintained myself at a steady pace,
knowing that i would still eventually win this race!!

Winding through the warehouses was my least fave,
but I was soon joined by my pacers/slaves.
"COME ON!!" came their war cry,
"Yeah, yeah u think so easy? wanna try?"

Daniel, Shuo Xian and Weesong,
with their encouragement i could never go wrong.
Towards the low wall i advanced,
never wasting time to turn around and glance.

Scaling the wall without a hitch,
Darn! the parallel bar's gonna be a b*tch
But utilising my bulging biceps,
I completed it so well i could have done a 100 reps.

Guess what's the swing trainer?
It's a monkey bar, what a no-brainer!
Even though i could swing through it like a monkey,
I could never be a primate cos i'm so hunky.

Then came the demon, the low rope.
But looking up i saw much hope!
There were ropes for me to climb,
and up i was in no time!

Using almost zero technique and just arm strength,
I stretched out at maximum length!
*ting* i touched the metal pole,
YES! I've reached my goal.

With glee i quickly jumped off,
not before i took a little cough.
I looked back and saw the struggling officers,
"HAHA cya later suckers!"

Taking my time over the rest of the stations,
Hmm i really felt like taking a vacation.
Weidong yelled at me to run,
but what i really needed was a nice warm char siew bun.

Jumping off the low ramp,
Weesong shouted 6:10!
And i sprinted off like a speed demon,
just that it was in the wrong direction.

I made one whole long round,
just like a bloody big clown.
The marshallers' and slaves' warnings i did not hear,
and everything around was a blur.

Yet i am the one and only speed king,
Yoyo check out my bling bling.
My legs were starting to ache,
i need to take a break!

But with the thought of the entire platoon's eternal suanning,
i just had to continue running.
Past the spartan wall, past the foyer!
"SOC sucks!! After this, i want to see my lawyer!"

Yes, the end was near.
Out from my eye streamed down a little tear.
But i wiped it off with my hand,
because now i am a REAL MAN.

As Shuo xian said "open up!"
I thought he was holding a can of 7-up.
But after much thinking i got the hint,
he just wanted me to sprint.

With my last burst i gave it my all,
just like my mum heading to the mall.
I crossed the finishing line like a shining mare,
with 17 seconds left to spare!

I was over the moon,
never going to run this dumb thing again like a baboon.
It was obvious this one thing,
today Muscular Tan was king.

I hastily unclipped my helmet strap,
allowing it to flap.
When it dropped and hit the floor, *kang!*
then i told Daniel, SOC is yi ru fan zhang.