16km run/race event

Welcome one and all to the Beijing 2008 Summer Olympics! Michael Phelps, the phenomenal american swimmer, has already made history by winning 11 golds, becoming the greatest Olympian of all time.

But today we have another man, looking to create another slice of history for himself, by being the first Singaporean to ever win a gold medal. Yes lets give it up for the one and only... *drum roll*

GLEN TAN!!

Today he'll be racing in the finals of the 16,000 m men's event at the Bird's Nest stadium. This event is proudly brought to you by our proud sponsor...

Brands Birds Nest!

Now on to the event proper, we have 6 racers today, you must say the odds is against Tan, with the quality of the field of atheletes on show today.

Lining up, we have:

Lane 1 - Mr Disgusting

Lane 2 - I'm-so-naggy-and-unreasonable S3 D. Hoo

Lane 3 - abit-too-garang Toh

Lane 4 - very-ugly-shoe Brandon

Lane 5 - i-love-my-personal-assistant B2

Lane 6 - Glen's running buddy, Weesong!!

Lane 7 - Glen "Muscular" Tan

Lane 8 - Max, B2's lovely PA (personal assistant)

And there we have it.. wha ???!? It appears as the racers are lining up, one of them is still not here, apparently it's the one in Lane 8! Wait a minute, that is Max, B2's PA. It looks like he's late or something. By Olympic rules, a competitor is disqualified if he doesn't appear in the race after the race has already started.

Well it looks like the runners are taking up position on this lovely evening here in Beijing. In position now...

*BANG!*

And they're off! What speed demons these guys! As hot favourite B2 leads the pack. The runners converge at the turn and this race is heating up! The runners look to be keeping up with each other after the first lap, amazing timing! only 40 seconds to complete the first 400m, easily smashing Michael Johnson's 400m World Record, but that's another story for another day.

3 Laps later, and nothing has changed much, with B2 still leading. Wait what's this? abit-too-garang Toh looks like he's clutching his waist in agony, he looks in absolute pain. A case of stitch i suspect. He is clearly struggling as he falls behind the field of runners. The Olympic safety personnel are coming out to assist him off the track, but he rejects them!! clearly too garang! But they jab him in the nose and he concusses! Out of the track you go! Ops first, Safety always.

So looks like the field has narrowed down to 6 with B2's lovely assistant, Max still yet to appear.

Don't forget the runners have to complete a gruelling 40 laps for this race, and we are only at lap 8. Oh whats this?! Max has arrived!! He gets onto the track and sprints towards the field of runners.. and JUMPS INTO B2'S ARMS?!! Oh my we are screening this live, but if u are under the age of 18, i recommend u switch your tv sets off right now. I know the Olympic Spirit embraces people from all walks of life, but i didn't quite expect two male lovers to display their affection for each other so publicly. This is not right kids, i hope you erase this image out of your head. B2 carries Max out of the stadium as they continue their nonsense, ushered out by clearly flabbergasted safety personnel. The crowd is stunned in silence.

Then Glen Tan flexes his biceps and the crowd erupts again! roaring in approval and admiration!

On to lap 20, and the runners are still neck and neck. Tan and Weesong pacing each other very well as we've come to expect from these 2 great runners.

Oh but the two of them have a look of disgust on their faces. Hmm i wonder why. They seem to be staring at the back of Mr Disgusting. Let me zoom in the camera on Mr Disgusting's back... OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME!! it seems like there is some sort of WHITE FOAM oozing out of Mr Disgusting's armpit! This is really very unexpected. It is almost like mucus, you wonder if this guy actually showers and cleans himself! Oh my.. some of the mucus drips onto the floor.. and I'm-so-naggy-and-unreasonable S3 D. Hoo SLIPS OVER THE MUCUS! He crumbles into a heap on the track, it looks like he's broken his leg. Well out of the army you go, about time too. As the personnel stretcher him off, he looks like he's nagging at them. Man what an idiot.

Mr Disgusting, obviously disgusted as his own disgustingness, disgustingly walks off the track and calls it quits as more mucus continue to drip onto the floor. eww.. the crowd are in shock and ..

Then Glen Tan flexes his abs and the crowd erupts again! roaring in excitedness and clearly impressed with this eighth wonder of the world.

Now we are just down to Tan, Weesong, and very-ugly-shoe Brandon. We are at lap 38 and coming into the closing stages of the race with just 2 more laps to go! WHO WILL WIN IT? It is anyone's guess. It's not hard to spot Brandon with his bright orange shoes. Very very ugly i must say. I wonder where he finds the courage to buy something so painful on the eyes.

Oh Brandon looks tired, his big tummy weighing him down. He bends slightly due to the weight of his tummy, looking down onto the floor. *AHHHHH!!!* screams Brandon!! Ooooh what just happened?!

Yes if my suspicions are correct, the sight of his ugly shoe actually pierced his eyes and blinded him! Yes Brandon covers his eyes in agony, temporarily blinded but permanently out of this race! Brandon you seriously need to rethink your taste in shoes!

With just 2 racers left and 1 lap left to go, it is anybody's race!! We've come a long way and it is down to the wire of Weesong and Tan!! They both sprint as fast as they can as they look to outrun each other in the final lap. This is neck and neck stuff guys, absolutely legendary!

Into the last 100m and there is no seperating these two!!! Incredible Stuff! But wait Tan pulls slightly infront... and flexes his biceps in Weesong's face! Weesong can only stop but admire!! This is an Olympic Moment for you! great sportsmanship by Weesong, admitting that Tan indeed has incredible muscles! And Tan crosses the finishing line, clearly in 1st place!!

Amazing race this one. And Tan becomes the first ever Singaporean to win a gold medal! He will go down in history, alongside greats like Michael Phelps, Jesse Owens, Carl Lewis and many more. Tan is truly one of a kind. Congratulations!

This is me, Tan, signing off as the commentator while i was running! Good Night! I am incredible.

thank you

Alas after a quite interesting week in army, amidst a garang pc, a pokemon-cheating sergeant, a quite mentally retarded DY, bobo CEDI specs, unfit juniors, a gay B2 PA, and many more. I would like to thank weidong shuo xian ericson daniel colin brandon for a hell of a week! (and for helping me to soften that last minute blow as well!)

Metallica-like singing, a trip to NUH, adopting the no-way-im-doing-guard-duty mentality, monster hunting, going gym when CSM asked us to run, 3v3 soccer, gorging ourselves at alexandra food village, running my last ever platoon-organised external run, eating breakfast at KAP macs.

madness, i love army.

Pokemon! Gotta Catch Em All!

Woohoo just now i traded my Kangaskhan for a Venusaur! With this dude from Germany! Funky~

yo

After a rather up-and-down weekend, it is time to face a comparatively demanding week ahead.

On monday, i shall guard maju with pride! Standing tall as a fearsome warrior in front of maju's gates, no calamity shall befall my mighty fortress!

On tuesday, my uniform will embody the spirit of singapore, as i, a proud embassador, will represent my great country in presenting the revolutionary SKYLINE to a much heralded thai general.

sings *mee hoo mee taa hang yao* which translates as: Two eyes two ears one tail. Guess what? YAY YES! The Elephant Song i learned in Chiang Mai!

On Wednesday, i shall head down to the secretive location of HQ (clementi camp) and present to some dudes again. Yes as u can see my week is getting more interesting.

On Thursday, out into the unknown of Pasir Laba Camp as I commence on my combat shoot. It is there where i shall release my alter ego: The Spartan Soldier. I will take down the target with my SAR21 in all its glory. Onward to victory! and only two things can happen:

Failure to get Marksman: TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!

Marksman and $200 reward: TONIGHT, WE DINE IN SAKAE SUSHI!

Good night, and good fight.

singing

I'm actually a little glad to have rejoined choir cos i love to SIIIIIIIIINGGG!!! Its exciting!! wahahehehe my mum is now a lao jiao choir member. Along with aunty ellen, so shy, must sit at the back. And 3/4 of gan siblings joined as well, KEWLZ. No wonder Derrick looked happy today. But more importantly...

I CAN FINALLY NOW EAT CHOIR FOOD WITHOUT ANY GUILT!!!!!!!!!




...




Oh man i like boyband songs. I liked the voice of the guy who sang kokomo last saturday night as well. am i gay?

Of course not, gays don't have bulging biceps like me. I also don't carry handbags. I also don't support New Urban Male. I don't wear havanas. Lastly, i'm so HANDSOME and STRONG and AMAZING how can i be gay.

On the topic of boybands, even though everyone laughs at me for liking that genre of songs, deep down, i know that every single hot-blooded male wants to sing it in kbox and secretly loves an A1 song or Westlife ballad or maybe "I want it that way".

I mean, jay chou, ah du and jj lin aren't much more manly.

2 Group Photos and a Handsome Guy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER!!





MESMERISING SINGING FROM DANIEL~!!




MR MUSCULAR HIMSELF

Why the goverment raised our ERP Rates

Last saturday night while i was at PS awaiting a bus home, i witness a wondrous sight to behold. And i finally figured out the real reason on why the government raised our ERP rates.





FIREWORKS!! *BANG BANG BANG*

Yeah wooo~~!! so nice so fun so cute!! They're having NDP 2008 rehearsals! how spectacular and glamourous. Go Singapore!



WHAT RUBBISH/NONSENSE/CRAP/MADNESS


To my horror, a glance at my watch revealed that it was only 21st June! Absolutely shocking. I've never seen fireworks being let off so early before? In the past, a humble Singapore would only allow the fireworks to shoot off earliest on the 2nd last rehearsal. Now we're still only 7 rehearsals away, yet the gah-ment decides to let fly these deadly multi-coloured, floral-patterned, money-blowing, greenhouse gas-releasing, sparks-in-your-eye dropping FIREWORKS! Give me a break.

Have you ever thought where the money used to buy these fireworks come from? YES!! Your parents' pockets! Your uncles' pockets! It could even come from your pocket when you buy those cigarettes/alcohol!

Fireworks are almost practically, in my opinion, something like this:

The fireworks rocket-releasing-whatever-thingamajig is put on the ground, then before the guy lights up the firework, he stuffs all your parents' & family's and friends' and YOUR money into the bottom of the rocket, before lighting the ignition thingy along with all your money. Then BOOM! All your money flies into the air and explodes in a multitude of colours! Isn't that just beautiful?

Oh so now the economy is prosperous and our wonderful gah-ment decides to splurge on fireworks. Not only that, to fund their fireworks spending, they actually go on to...


RAISE ERP RATES!! Nice. Now u know the real reason why the gah-ment does such profound things. Think about it, people in China are suffering from the massive earthquake, a hurricane struck Myanmar recently, many Singaporeans still live in poverty, yet this is the best we can do. Imagine your close friend, your next-door neighbour, your family member, someone has come down with a serious illness. Maybe you pay them a little visit, give them a nice little flower. Smile a little. THEN GO HOME AND PARTY!! OKAAAYYYYYYYY~!!!

The least our kind little Pedra Branca-loving noble gah-ment could do, was to blast those darned fireworks only on the 2nd last rehearsal, and donate the rest of the fireworks money to the Singapore needy!! Don't always put up those dumb corrupted, celebrity-i'm-so-pitiful-when-i-train-for-this-stunt-sob-tear-cry CHARITY SHOWS that absolutely RIP US OFF. Instead, make some real direct contributions to those in need. SACRIFICE what you wanted to do and donate it! I mean just donating what's convenient is so insincere and pathetic.


EVEN MORE CRUCIAL than the financial effect is the environmental effect of these fireworks. In an era when the Earth is dying, people want to go green, our dear fireworks are a step backward. Check this excerpt i got from a website:


Fireworks Can Be Toxic to Humans
Depending on the effect sought, fireworks produce smoke and dust that contain various heavy metals, sulfur-coal compounds and other noxious chemicals. Barium, for instance, is used to produce brilliant green colors in fireworks displays, despite being poisonous and radioactive. Copper compounds are used to produce blue colors, even though they contain dioxin, which has been linked to cancer. Cadmium, lithium, antimony, rubidium, strontium, lead and potassium nitrate are also commonly used to produce different effects, even though they can cause a host of respiratory and other health problems.

Fireworks Contribute to Environmental Pollution
The chemicals and heavy metals used in fireworks also take their toll on the environment, sometimes contributing to water supply contamination and even acid rain. Their use also deposits physical litter on the ground and into water bodies for miles around. As such, some U.S. states and local governments restrict the use of fireworks in accordance with guidelines set by the Clean Air Act. The American Pyrotechnics Association provides a free online directory of state laws across the U.S. regulating the use of fireworks.

Fireworks Add to Worldwide Pollution
Of course, fireworks displays are not limited to U.S. Independence Day celebrations. Fireworks use is increasing in popularity around the world, including in countries without strict air pollution standards. According to The Ecologist, millennium celebrations in 2000 caused environmental pollution worldwide, filling skies over populated areas with “carcinogenic sulphur compounds and airborne arsenic.”

Do We Really Need Fireworks?
While Disney’s technological breakthrough is no doubt a step in the right direction, many environmental and public safety advocates would rather see the Fourth of July and other holidays and events celebrated without the use of pyrotechnics. Parades and block parties are some obvious alternatives. Meanwhile, laser light shows can wow a crowd without the negative environmental side effects associated with fireworks.



Will you still go WOW when you see the fireworks on 9 August? I won't.